"Legendary British magician, Paul Daniels, has died today aged 143.
The micro-magician was found dead near his home in Berkshire after choking on his magic wand. His agent said, "Paul was trying to learn a new magic trick, which sadly backfired". He went on to say "The news comes only days after the man who invented Segways was killed by one. Paul invented magic, and it was magic that killed him".
The pint-sized trickster has graced our living rooms since TV was invented in 1885 with his snazzy magic skills. He was known for his quick-fire fingers, walnut whip toupee and for placing spangley blonds in small boxes and slicing them up.
Paul's wife of 68 years, (the Lovely) Debbie McGee, was thought to be upset by her husband's sudden death, she said "he was my husband".
The news has shocked celebrities from all over the world. Nelson Mandela, a well-known fan of the crinkly midget, made the following statement: "He was my hero and my muse. Without his clever tricks and magic puns I would not be the man I am today."
Lady Gaga will dedicate her next album to Paul, she said, "I blame all these new-fangled magicians like Kenneth Branagh who do these clever things with mind-control or living inside glass boxes. Paul tried to keep up, but in the end it killed him. Tragic magic".
The funeral will be held next week in a small racist London suburb. "